Now and Then.

Go to a grade 1 primary school student and ask – how much is two times two? The answer is thoughtless and instantaneous - Four. Similarly I often question myself these days – what is fuck times fuck?
The answer is again thoughtless, immediate and eternal – my own life.
Nostalgia – you named your blog. What is that it has in it? It smells of piss. Now that she pisses in an assholes shit pot. She is really fucked up- literally. What about me? I am coming to that.

You stand on the seventh floor of your office, looking at the beautiful, picturesque Kerala – the sea bordering at one side and the mountain covering the other. It does not enchant you, not anymore. Only one thought reverberates – you are a prisoner with no release date. You are trapped. You have no escape from this heaven. You cannot go back to the hell – where normal and mean people live.

Nostalgia – a great life, young naïve dreams, success, joy - then.

Now – suffocation, hollowness, skipped lunches – dinners, lonely, nowhere, mechanical, computerized, drunk, pissed, shaken, dreamless, aimless, shapeless, non- existent, undefined, trivial – so called Software Engineer – damn you! Fuck you!

Beautiful moments can neither be recreated nor relived. No matter how hard you try. But still -Will ever now and then interchange?

Rushes.

tere vaade par jiye ham to ye jaan jhuuTh jaanaa 

ke Khushii se mar na jaate agar aitabaar hotaa

kahuuN kis se main ke kyaa hai shabeGam burii balaa hai 

mujhe kyaa buraa thaa maranaa agar ek baar hotaa 

                                                                     - Ghalib

Trivial Things - A diary entry

Part 1.
It's a saturday. I am alone. I just came out of the bathroom (morning ablutions) and the bucket inside, is dark blue in color.

The tap is silver in color.There are three brands of shampoo - Ayur, Clinic All Clear (for men),Clinic plus.I am okay with any of these.

My room is dirty.So is the entire house.Things once kept inside never moves from it's place.

The pepsi - coke cans, bottles are lying still - forever - wherever it was kept, once.There is a lot of polyethylene bags - with food rotting inside - ever since it was dumped inside ( with the intention that it will be put to trash can located outside the premise). I am supposed to pay my credit card bill, but I don't feel like going outside.I had slept 5 a.m in the morning and woke up at 9.12 a.m (in the morning, because of a trivial phone call). My life is mechanical. So is yours (even if you deny).Even fucking is a very mechanical job. I am not enjoying my work.I am expecting in drastic change in my life.I am hopeful and optimistic.Otherwise, I am pessimistic.

The bedsheet is green in color.I have bought Maggi( Masala) for my lunch.I ate my breakfast - idlis - at Ananthapuri Veg. There is a TV in the hall, but no cable connection. There is a fridge - no food inside.Neither any drink. There was a fully automatic washing machine.It's a rainy day in Trivandrum. Most of the days - it rains. Place is just too green and awesome. Still it haunts me - now.Generally I write and then I rewrite. But today I am just writing.

I am midway through a movie - Atonement. The two movies I saw were German. Both WW2 movies - Gloomy Sunday , Das Boot - with English subtitles. Google launched a new browser - Chrome. I am using that.

Part 2.

Its 4.30 pm now.Eventually I paid my credit card bill. Maggi was my lunch - with a little cheese and butter. I have finished watching the movie (Atonement) -it was a great love story ( back drop was WW2 again!). Now there are two things in my mind - a movie( in theatre) and another one that I want to enqueue on my download list.

It's 10.40 pm. I have watched another movie - A wednesday! Another movie is is enqueued - Betty Blue -a french film.Vodka - cheap vodka - is finally doing the trick. Goodnight!!

The trivial things in life - a trivial life.