Undone

Superficial smiles. And a repulsion within..
Something chronic. Sometimes sinful..
The corridor of love or the shores of reality?
Where..where do you want to go?

Away due to idle, or idle due to away
Oh, was that the tinge of black you hated,
or you totally loved burgundy? -
The yield is the same.

Your life without me or my life without you?
How..how does it matter?
Should I laugh at my impulsive dreams,
or Honor your real dictates?
Where..where do you want me to go?

With wooden hearts,
and cemented feelings?
Robotic emotions and lunatic actions
Houses of Iron, and roads of ember-
How..How do we love?

So we move...a little futher.

A Chat.

i feel so much touched..
by the keyboard,
and the music it creates
and the way the bits and bytes
reach you
defeating this world,
I get so overwhelmed
when you type me back
and the wait.. in between
it feels the world is lost..
But I am happy
I dont need it anymore
I have you
with your keyboard.

Dreams and Nightmares

Rainbow of beautiful colors
Rains and sweet little joy -
of droplets,
through the leaves of her youth
Beautiful dreams
sitting at the boundary of
her black beautiful eyes -
(Willing to jump into this real world of disasters).
Her soft naive voice
and infinitely brimming girlhood.
All is lost.

All lost. She is now elusive -
to herself and this world.
She has been hammered to pregnancy.
Sweet little Nancy and her Fanny -
Holds an uncanny story -
different from her dreams.

Life moved on..

All the wise men and women
Sympathized with her,
Consoled her,
Suggested her - to be strong -
And to move on
Leaving all that was bad -
behind,
Far behind.
Now she was strong enough
to let go the things
that once bound her to suffocation
and breathlessness - him!


Life moved on..
She did not even bother
to see his rotten body
that remained hanging for days.

Life moved on...

DEAD-LOCK

Of late, very often,
Yesterday too -
She told me -
I am mad.
And she cannot live with me.
Not anymore.
Not with me - mad.

I feel -
I told her -
I cannot live without you.
Never.
Not without you.
I am really mad.

Now and Then.

Go to a grade 1 primary school student and ask – how much is two times two? The answer is thoughtless and instantaneous - Four. Similarly I often question myself these days – what is fuck times fuck?
The answer is again thoughtless, immediate and eternal – my own life.
Nostalgia – you named your blog. What is that it has in it? It smells of piss. Now that she pisses in an assholes shit pot. She is really fucked up- literally. What about me? I am coming to that.

You stand on the seventh floor of your office, looking at the beautiful, picturesque Kerala – the sea bordering at one side and the mountain covering the other. It does not enchant you, not anymore. Only one thought reverberates – you are a prisoner with no release date. You are trapped. You have no escape from this heaven. You cannot go back to the hell – where normal and mean people live.

Nostalgia – a great life, young naïve dreams, success, joy - then.

Now – suffocation, hollowness, skipped lunches – dinners, lonely, nowhere, mechanical, computerized, drunk, pissed, shaken, dreamless, aimless, shapeless, non- existent, undefined, trivial – so called Software Engineer – damn you! Fuck you!

Beautiful moments can neither be recreated nor relived. No matter how hard you try. But still -Will ever now and then interchange?

Rushes.

tere vaade par jiye ham to ye jaan jhuuTh jaanaa 

ke Khushii se mar na jaate agar aitabaar hotaa

kahuuN kis se main ke kyaa hai shabeGam burii balaa hai 

mujhe kyaa buraa thaa maranaa agar ek baar hotaa 

                                                                     - Ghalib